U.S. Open

Lucas Glover won the US Open golf tournament Monday and accepted the trophy with dignity, class, and very little enthusiasm.

Rick Reilly at ESPN on some of the things we would have seen if golf was more like other sports...

"If I won a U.S. Freaking Open, I'd go absolutely electroshock, three-alarm, bat-guano nuts!"

"I'd climb up the TV tower and swan dive into the crowd!"

"I'd pick up the flagstick and fire it like a Tommy gun at the crowd."

"I'd make my caddie give me a piggyback ride and I'd whip him like a jockey on a horse."

"I'd lay my bag on the ground, straddle it and then paddle with my putter."

"I'd get a stepladder out and cut down the flag, like they do in basketball. I'd get up there with a pair of scissors, cut one little piece off, climb back down, pretend I was handing the scissors to the guy behind me in line -- which was just me again -- and climb back up, until the thing was off."

"I'd take my 3-iron out and have my caddie kneel before me and I'd knight him like I was the queen."

From: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/columns/story?columnist=reilly_rick&id=4281277